Just another day in the life.....

Well another day in the life of my recovery. Another day sober to add to my books. I'm feeling upbeat today. I've been busy as hell getting shit done so I can get into a better treatment facility. I had to go to this community resource center today to get a rule 25 done. What is a rule 25? It's a chemical assessment done by your county to see a.) if you need treatment and b.) how they will pay for it. I was at the Salvation Army Adult Rehabilitation Center for about 4 months, then I got kicked out because someone in the room was using dope and I was guilty by association I guess. Some christian values huh? Kick you out on your ass and not even caring where you go. That place was such bull shit. Basically they take these people, offer them "counseling" for their drug and alcohol problems, tell you that in order to recover you need to do "work therapy". Which basically they have you bust your ass 40 hours a week for them and they don't pay you. Apparently that's what helps you recover in their program. I don't understand how they get a way with it. They save thousands a month in labor for these guys and the whole time you don't receive any kind of counseling or therapy for your drug habits. Anytime I went to talk to a counselor their advice all the time was give it to god. Sure that works for some people for some of the time but what about the rest of us? Its such a cop out. Not to mention all the hypocrisy happening in those places. Oh well enough about that shit hole. I am relieved to be out of there. Like I said I am going on to a better place soon very soon. Just got to jump through the hoops and cut the tape to get there. Sobriety is not easy. I am glad I am sober today. It's been rough for me lately. Breaking up with a girlfriend is never easy for me and this is usually the time I want to numb myself up pretty badly. I found out yesterday that she cheated on me and was seeing someone else at the same time. I feel so duped and used. Are people really that awful now a days? Am I ever gonna have a relationship where I can trust the other person? I just hate getting lied too. What the fuck is the point? Anyways as much as I want to get upset about it, its important to let go and not have any more resentments on my plate. All that does is drag me down and brings me to a place I don't want to be. Sorry if some of these end up being rants, its just healthy for me to talk about this stuff. Gotta keep my head up and continue smiling. I don't need or want another relapse. Gotta stay away from the women for a while. I keep meeting the worst ones. I hope I just picked the wrong ones cause if all of them are as manipulative and unfaithful as my last few then I dunno I guess I'll enter the monk hood. Lately I've been trying to focus on myself and see where my flaws of character are. I've learned a lot about myself in the last month or so. I have a lot of resentments I've been holding on to that I need to let go of. In order to forgive yourself you have to forgive other people. So I am trying to get my list going and work on those. It takes a while. I gotta write them down, plus the things I feel guilty about, my fears , and everything else. We call it your personal inventory. Its step 4 of the 12 steps. Then for step 5 I have to share it with my sponsor. It's been bringing up a lot of old stuff and I kind of had to relive some bad experiences but it does feel like a weight lifting off of my chest. So if chances are that I wronged you in some way you are probably on my list to make amends. I just really hope I can get back friendships I've lost because of my using. There are so many good people that I miss. well that's it for now

With Love,

Josh