5 months

Well I now have 5 months of sobriety under my belt!!!! That's the most I've had in a while. The beginning of it I was kicking and screaming, but it all counts even if I was in jail. I don't know if I am really gonna keep track of it that much this time though. I just don't want to fall off the wagon and be disappointed again. It is important for me though to keep my head up even if I do relapse just so I don't fall down the rabbit hole again. Today I spent a lot of time figuring out which treatment place to go to and have it narrowed down to a few. I now know I don't want to go to a faith based one. I don't need to deal with the whole hypocrisy thing again. On Monday I made an appointment with a psychologist to see how crazy I really am. ha more like to see what official label they give me. This time I am gonna treat the problem that I self medicate for not just the self medication part. I finally feel good about it again. For a while there I wasn't sure if I wanted sobriety or if I could even stay sober. I thought maybe I was just a fuck up and always gonna be a fuck up. But that's just the negative thinking. Now I know that I can do this and I will be on top. I guess the "normal" life idea always seemed boring to me but I think its what you make of it. I just need to stick to my healthy outlets so I've been playing music again and hope to get a band formed pretty quick here. Also been working out as well. Now that I think of it I always would drop those things either getting high or getting in a relationship. Women were kind of like a drug to me. I always expected them to make me feel better or give me some excitement but we all know that only lasts so long. Until I can get my head together I am staying single. I know that I have bitched about ex-girlfriends wronging me and all. But I made mistakes too. I'm not perfect maybe I drove them to do what they did. I don't know. Plus I usually dated girls with addiction problems of their own so I can understand that there's a lot going on with them selves on that front. well I guess until next time