another day on the calander

Hello all, well I guess I am not even sure if anyone is reading this or not. But at least it's another form of a journal for me. I do keep a separate one which I write all my super personal stuff I wouldn't want anyone reading. Well any ways I've been noticing my addictive behavior coming out in other ways. I am drinking a lot of soda and coffee. It's almost non stop all day. I was smoking a ton of cigarettes a day but have cut back. Yes my ultimate goal is to quit which I plan on doing really soon. I've guess I've said that since I sobered up but just haven't gotten around to it yet. Your not supposed to put too much pressure on your self while you're in early recovery so you don't slip up. Also lately I quit taking the sleeping pills they prescribed me so I've been staying up all not and sleeping till 2 p.m. or so. I just hope one of these jobs call that I've been applying to. Got my meeting with the school admissions office on Tuesday so I'm excited about that. I still feel withdrawn a little bit. Part of me wants to move across the country some where. It's not the grass is greener on the other side thing. It's just I'm young and have nothing tying me down here and I'd like to experience something different. Plus these cold winters are getting a little old. But if I'm gonna realistically do this I have to stay sober for a year and save up some dough so we'll see what happens. It's 5:30 am as I write this and I kind of wish I was asleep. I was hanging out with this person a lot and we'd stay up all night watching movies and talking and shit. But she turned out to be a way different person then I thought she was. It sucks I did think she was pretty cool and I had a lot of fun with her. I don't exactly know what happened or how it changed. I guess I had to rely on her a little too much and put too much pressure on her or something. Oh well I've got the memories of the good times. No sense in getting all bummed out like I used to all the time. It's just so odd to have that kind of connection with someone then just see it fizz out fast like that. I dunno. Anyways I'm gonna try and get some shut eye. Later Tator....