holiday stressing times

Well I hope everyone had a happy holiday. It was another Christmas for me not being with my family. We really haven't all been together for years now. There is always some feud going on between people. It just makes me sad. At least this year I kept it together and stayed sober. I did have a good Christmas eve though. I spent it with a really good friend of mine. That was nice. Well New Year's is coming up and that will be a little different celebrating then I'm used to. No big plans yet. I may just relax indoors and watch a movie or something. Maybe I'll get lucky and have someone special to kiss at midnight. (ha wishful thinking) I miss that so much. I dated the perfect woman when I was 20. She was so awesome and it was true love. Just at the time I didn't realize it and was stupid. I wanted to see "what else was out there" and you know what just a bunch of shit out there. I just wonder if I'll ever find someone like that ever again. There isn't a day that goes by that I think about her. If I could go back in time I would do things way different. I know now she has forgiven me and everything. I never meant to break her heart. It tears me up. What if that was my one chance at real love? Alright I gotta stay positive. I mean women are the last thing on my plate as I've said before just I dunno maybe my clock is ticking or something. I just need to keep my head straight and quit falling for the wrong type of girls. I guess now that I'm not in the bars and stuff it should be easier. Anyways I'm kind of glad Christmas is over. Everyone seems so stressed out from the holidays. Everyone goes rushing around to put on some big show for everyone. Why is it just one day a year we get our loved ones things? Why not just celebrate on your own day or something? I guess it is a good excuse to spoil someone. I'm not against Christmas or anything its just been a while since I've had a good one. This time of year just reminds me of how fragile life really is. I mean anyone at any given time could just die for whatever reason. Life is way to short to be angry or feud with anyone I just don't get it. Can't say I haven't been guilty of that but I'm trying hard to change myself. It's easy to get stuck in a rut but its time to get out of it. I'm pretty happy 2009 is over with. Not that the new year won't have its tribulations and all but it just feels like starting with a clean plate. So to everyone out there happy holidays!!!