Still here

I guess it's been a few days since my last post. I was kind of stuck in a little funk, which tends to make me withdraw a bit. I get tired of this treatment stuff sometimes, I'm not gonna lie. I mean it's been over 2 years now that I've been dealing with sobriety. If it weren't for my stubborn ass, I could be well on my way to a some what "normal" life. I guess I just can get kind of sick of always sharing how I feel. I've done it for so long, so sometimes I just kind of get myself in shutdown mode and I just block myself off so I don't really feel anything. And if I take a few days off people start to worry about me. Thank you first of all. It does feel good to have people really care, I haven't had that for most of my life. Plus lately I'm having trouble motivating myself. I need to start treatment of my ADHD. I was watching a documentary about it the other night and it really put it into perspective for me. I guess a lot of people go undiagnosed and it can really put a hinder on your life. I am so glad I know now, I just got to get back to the Dr. and get the medication for it. I kind of always wondered what was wrong with me. All the things I thought I had trouble with are symptoms of ADHD. Trouble with relationships, lack of motivation, trouble concentrating, not finishing tasks, and many more. I never would have thought that I had it unless I made that Dr. appt. I would never have thought that some of those were symptoms. I looked at all the symptoms and I have trouble with all of them. It basically described me to a tea, creepy. Hopefully now that I've been diagnosed and begin treatment, I can finally deal with some of these issues. I am still not very sure if it started when I was younger or as I got older. I've been dealing with the knee pain again lately too. It feels like my body is much older then I am sometimes. If it's not one thing its another, right? That's life though always keeping you on your toes. Just when you think you have things figured out, boom there's a curve ball flying straight at you. That's why it's very important to take a daily inventory of your self (something that I have forgotten to do lately...but don't blame me it's the ADD...Ha I should make a T shirt of that one.) So thats what I've been up too. Finally got a good blizzard going on outside. We haven't had snow like that in a long time. It's exciting a little to see all that snow. It reminds me of when I was a kid and I would build snow forts out of the big mounds the plows would leave behind. Sometimes I miss being young and naive with my whole life in front of me. It seemed like when I was young I couldn't wait to get older and now that I am older I wish I was young again. If only I could be young again but know what I know now....I'll leave with that wishful thinking.

Josh