The road ahead

Well it's finally time for me to start finding a job. I am pretty sure I can trust myself with money finally. The important thing is to remember how much it sucked spending my whole paycheck on drugs. Definitely something I do not want to return to doing. I used to go pick up my paycheck cash it, and then find my dealer where I would spend the whole thing right then and there. I wouldn't care about my bills, gas (necessities), or rent. I mean I smoke and I would skip buying myself cigarettes. Then I would have to fly by blind luck on how I was gonna make it through the week. I've done that so many times. It's just another consequence to caving in to my addiction. I've spent the last two years of my life living that way. It's amazing that I made it as far as I did. Sometimes I would pawn my stuff then on pay day go get my stuff back from the pawn shop. Just to pawn it again the next day. Then eventually I would skip going to the pawn shop and I've lost a lot of cool stuff. All part of that insanity. I would have to do it just get through the week. Once you get yourself caught in so deep you need the drugs its hard to get out. But its finally time to get back to working cause there are so many things I need to get myself plus, a few monetary amends I have to do. It'll be a while before I can catch up but I'll get through it. So if anyone knows of anyone hiring please let me know. I'll need to change up my schedule of staying up late at night but that won't be to tough. For some reason I'm having a hard time of getting myself to sleep lately. Usually it wouldn't bother me much but now that it's winter, if I sleep too late I won't get the few hours of sun that we get. And we all know that can get depressing. I'm still wondering if I should talk to my mother about my previous posts. I just don't know if I'll gain anything from it or not. It's definitely something that I want to get out of my way and move on. Well I am gonna get back to relaxing. Hope you all had a good week end.

Josh