Work and no play make me a ?

Hello again sorry its been awhile. I had to pawn my computer for a week or so cause I was short on cash. But I got my first paycheck and got it back. I pretty much spent it already but it feels good to be getting back on track. Now to save up and get a place to live. It will feel really good once I know I can come home. Not have to worry about if the girl is mad or drunk and not wanting me there. That will take a huge stress off of myself. In other news still sober and almost to the six month of sobriety. I haven't been able to make it to my n.a. meeting due to work. But hope to get there soon. I have relapsed a couple times (drinking) but it hasn't taken me off track. I really don't miss it at all. My friends I made in sobriety have mostly gone back to drinking and using but I'm holding steady. I'm slowly getting back on my feet again and am excited to get in a place so if anyone knows of anyone trying to rent a room in the Minneapolis or St. Paul area let me know. Finally got my own phone line again so my number did change so I will be getting my new one to you all. As for that been working on quitting smoking went a week or so then stress got the better of me but lets hope I can kick it soon. It takes time but things are slowly getting back to normal.. I promise I will post sooner next time I send my love

Josh

Finally a working I man agailn.

Well finally am kind of busy again. It feels really good for me to be working again. It finally is starting to feel like I am piecing my life together again. Its not my favorite job in the world but its a start. Now to get paid and find a more permanent spot to live. Been staying with the girl I had been seeing and everything felt great for a little while but things can be deceiving. I am just tired of dating these girls who think they can do whatever they want when they want t0 regardless of your feelings and expect you to put up with all their shit but when it comes time to for them to put up with a little bit of my shit they are out the door and my shit is nowhere near their shit. I mean come on you get wasted then spend a night at some guys house yet nothing happened. It was just an "innocent sleepover". Right I am sure about that ha. I dunno I'm about ready to give up on relationships. Then these stupid women think theres a perfect guy out there that's gonna put up with that crap? ha good luck to them I guess. I am just tired of feeling like an idiot. I know this blog isn't for me to bitch and moan about my relationship problems but I guess that's part of the reason I got so messed up. I allowed someone to get me to that place where I just want to forget about everything and zone out by getting high. At least I've finally realized this and am doing something to change it. I am no longer getting so involved with women. So sorry if you are one of the extremely rare nice "normalish" girls take no offense just quit hiding from me ha. I know if I wouldn't of screwed up with the one normal girl I had (you know who you are and I am really sorry you know that though I've apologized a thousand times and probably will a thousand more.) Anyways back to my other parts of life. I still struggle with how I deal with stuff. I tend to do it in another way. But I still have plenty of days where I ponder the meaning of life and why I am where and whats the point. I guess I've been running in so many directions the last ten years I've kind of lost my bearing. I feel like I am 18 and starting life all over again in a way. I really don't want anyone to go through this so please if you have addiction problems then deal with them. You do not want to be in my shoes. I am sure I will look back after a few years and wonder how I got there but, hopefully I will be in a different place and smiling. I can't go back. I can't afford to lose anymore time drunk or high. It's taken so much out of me I almost feel like I've lost a part of myself I don't know if I'll ever get it back. I know I am having a bad day and maybe rambling but its important to me to do this. I want you to know my struggles. I really want to open my door and show you my life since I've hidden so long. With this blog I've decided to live my life as an open book. My struggles , my accomplishments, good days and bad are all gonna be here. I really want to thank my friends it would be twice as hard with out you thank you all. I may never be able to pay you back or make good on wrongs that I have done to you. But just know I am very sorry and will always be there for you.......well time to relax and try and free my mind a little I am in kind of a rotten mood later tators.....

new begining in a new year

Well Hello everyone I guess I haven't posted since last year. Ha ha. Well it has been a while. Truthfully I've had problems with my Internet connection which I now fixed. I am doing well though. With the new year has come a new job and a new relationship. I've decided to take the new year by storm I guess. I can't say I wasn't glad to say goodbye to 2009. One of the weirdest and crappiest years so far. But I'm gonna stay positive cause the new year has started with a bang. I start my new job tomorrow and am fairly excited. I am working with a good friend of mine at pizza Luce. I am starting as a cook until something else opens up. Finally I can get off the unemployment line yay!!!!! As far as the new relationship goes it is going very well. We started out as friends first and it grew into a really good relationship. I feel like not only is she my g.f. but also my best friend. So we'll see what happens huh? Anyways um lets see what else is new? Well I'm still sober and it's getting easier everyday. Lately it just feels like everything is piecing together. I no longer really struggle with cravings the only thing is just the medicine I've been on but I knew that going into it. The Dr. says we'll start weening down more in a few months so by spring I should be completely off of it and will no longer have to deal with cravings except for food and things like that. So I hope everything is well with everybody and I wish you a happy new year. I promise my next posting won't take so long again